Clockwork Puppet

I am not the most patient individual in my own mindset, and yet at the same time, others remark upon not having the patience that I often display. I don't think of it as patience, though; it's more a skill of 'putting up with bullshit.' I can be very patient, extremely so, that is quite easy.

When my car was being worked on I waited six and a half hours before getting irritated enough to go up and ask what was taking so long--Thankfully by that point they'd finished. Because I had been so patient, and not nagged the staff, they rewarded me with a double-discount and two free oil change coupons on top of it. Not a bad deal for not blowing my top and nagging people, right? I think so.

So what is it that I find really annoying? It's not waiting. It's waiting on people who are neither keeping me informed with what's going on, or with the fact that they're doing anything at all. There is a project I need to work on right now, of which I can't begin until other people come through with what they had promised to do. I would like to be able to work on them; I have ideas that are just dying to be tested. But without the source material...

The other is a slightly more monetarily driven issue. I won't get into it too terribly much here for the fact that I've yet to speak to the individual this week but needless to say someone owes me for services rendered, and it's been over a month.

So these are the two things trying my patience at the moment and making me feel helpless because there is nothing I myself can do to rectify either issue.

On the brighter side of things, I exercised three times this week. Three days in a row which I shouldn't have done, but I was so energetic and bored it seemed okay. Today I'm resting on that front, and I apparently needed it with how much I was dragging at work. It took me till noon to wake up enough to not feel as if I was about to fall over.

I'm looking forward to Rocky Horror Picture Show tomorrow, and getting together as much of an outfit as I can from things I already own. I won't be in it, but as it's my first time to the show I'm told I will be publically humiliated. I may as well have some fun with it and look good too! Surprisingly, I'm not feeling the least bit nervous about parading around shirtless. Then again I did get myself a very, very sexy bra, and I have lost a considerable amount of weight. If I keep it up I may be wearing belly shirts this summer. Oh, how daring of me.

Edit: (Insert boasting here) Oh yes, I nearly forgot! I won the poker game last night! WOOT SUCKAS! Now what to do with all this lovely, lovely cash (all $50 of it.) Maybe I'll turn it into dollar bills and prance around town with my fold of moolah before it inevitably goes to paying bills.

Today I worked rather early, but that's alright. I actually went to bed at a decent time last night. This was partly due to freezing in the drive it took to go out to dinner and back with Alison's grandparents, who are always nice to see. I ate too much, but it was salmon and so that's okay (ignore the chocolate lava cake, cake is a lie.)

After work I went out and decided to get a new watch. This took me an hour and a half of deliberation at Khol's, given their selection of watches is... I won't say limited, but let's say limited to a certain core product: Sparkly, garish show-off watches. Granted I /did/ like the one that showed the gears in the back, but it was a man's watch and far too large even on my big-boned frame.

I ended up deciding on a Timex Expedition series, because it has the hands which I think is more of an adult and 'mature' look, as well as a portion which lists the seconds. That was my primary goal in getting the watch: To give myself an easy method to monitor the 30 vs 90 seconds required by the Couth-to-5K program so I wouldn't have to stop and change the timer on the stove constantly. Admitedly there were watches there which were better aimed towards this end such as the Ironman Triathalon, but I didn't want to have to explain to everyone daily 'What's that for?' when they point to my oddly designed watch that has a band of three different colors.

Afterwards I came home, ate a hearty lunch of Chicago styled pizza, and then did my 20 minutes on the Gazelle followed by about ten minutes of stretching. My heart is still going faster than normal, but it feels kind of good. So I congratulated myself for another day accomplished with an apple and a big honking glass of oh-thank-god water.

Now, victorious, I have... nothing to do. So I'll just sit here with my library book to catch up on some reading.

Day Two: Mission Completed

Tired. But in a nice sort of tired, I suppose. Trying to be positive here. I'm starting a running program, a very easy one, to try and get myself into better shape (round is not a shape I like). I'm actually better off than I have been at any point in my adult life to begin with as I've held steady at 183 for the past three months now. Usually I waffle between 210 and 190, with 210 being my max and 190 being that 'impossible to break' boundary. So it's a prime time to start working out more.

The program I'm doing I bummed off of The Post Apocalyptic Workout which in turn was taken from the runners website Cool Running. It's the Couch-to-5K program which is supposed to slowly ease one into jogging in general. Three times a week, every other day, and by the end of two months? You're supposed to be able to jog for 5K or 3 miles.

It's far too cold outside for me to go out there (my ears tend to freeze and give me splitting migraines) so I dug out the gazelle downstairs from beneath the sheet we hid it under for Christmas, and used that. Unfortunately my watch is dead, the grandfather clock in the living room isn't wound, and the only timer we had was the one on the stove... so I had to keep running back and forth from the gazelle to the kitchen to adjust the times. Not the most ideal method of keeping your heart-rate up, but it's far better than nothing at all.

My heart is still racing a bit, but not to the point of being unbearable like the last time I attempted to go jogging. I stretched afterwards as well given my back spasmed several times during the workout which rather hurts, and now I'm having a glass of water while sitting here eyeballing my livejournal and thinking it needs one hell of a redesign. Or maybe I ought to get an, OMG, actual blog space. I've got the rest of the afternoon to consider this possibility since I don't work until Monday.

Day One: Mission Completed

It's been ages upon ages since I've updated, but there's something nice to update about. I'm working with some friends of mine on a submission for the City of Heroes fanzine coming out next month (or at least that's when the deadline is) for a short story comic. I'm doing the inking and helping to make revisions or wording changes for the script.

My contribution isn't much, but it's something, and I hope everyone will check it out. Rizerak (sp?) is really a great artist and I can't wait to see the finished product. It's still in the layout and storyboarding stages, but we are and will be working on it like mad little hatters till the deadline on the 11th of next month. I'll post more news about it when I have it available.

I'm in Creative Writing and today was the peer review of the short story I wrote last week. In the middle of class, my phone goes off. I know it's mine because of the rather tell-tale Doctor Who theme song I have set as the ringer.

As I'm panicking, scrambling for the phone to switch it off and hoping that this isn't one of the teachers that freaks out anytime discussion is interrupted, she looks over directly at me, and says:

"The Doctor's calling! Invite him in, we've got room to park the box!"

For the first five people that reply to me and re-post this challenge - I will send you something that I think rocks.

Might be a mix CD, might be a comic book, might be a little trinket.
The only thing you need to do in order to participate is be one of the first five to reply to this, AND post this very same thing on YOUR LJ.

Now to think of things... Hmmmmmm.

I was looking through some of my old artwork and found a picture I was at one point coloring for my old mucking friend, Wenchi/Nennie. So I thought, hey, it's been awhile since I've read her webcomic 'Mine's Bigger;' or viewed her husband Damien's photography at Novablade Studios. So I hop onto google to look it up... And what do I find? THIS shit.

http://save-novablade.com/

I am so goddamn enraged that they're getting screwed over in this manner. This is fucking ridiculous, and I entirely share their annoyance/frustration/pain/anger. And you know? It's not much, but damned if I'm not going to NOT help in however small a manner as I can. So I post here, to all my friends, who in turn have a much larger audience on their LJ's than I do to ask... Please pass this information along. Don't let this scumbag of a domain hosting company screw over any more people.

Been a long time since I've posted. I'm not the sort to keep a daily rambling, at least not anymore. There's not much to ramble about. I could go into a list here of all the things I don't do, but I'm not being down on myself tonight. Actually I'm feeling rather good. Just a bit thoughtful, and I wanted to get some notions out.

There's people in this world.

Oh, sure, we know that. I'm one. You're one. That guy over there, he's one. ... I think. Could be a lemur. What I mean to say is there are people out there that are living. The folks I've been around a good portion of my life just exist. They don't live, they don't have dreams, they just trudge from day to day on occasion breaking up the boring monotony with a trip to the pub.

And I never did like pubs. Dancing though, that I like. Just a bit of a bugger finding guys to dance with. Honestly, if half of you lot ever got over yourselves enough to get on a dance floor you would land tons of girls. My own personal rule now is to not date any man who refuses to dance. If you can't dance it says so much about you... Low self-esteem, shyness, not a physically active person typically... Ah but I've gotten off topic.

There /are/ people out there enjoying their lives. Those energetic personalities, those bubbly people who have such laughter in them and bring that laughter to others. I used to try to be the class clown, then I 'grew up' and thought I was stupid for doing it. But was I, really? Everywhere I go in my life people want someone who is energetic, and confident, and funny.

And I want those people too. I want to know them. I want to know those people who are living, who are exciting, who are motivated and fullfilling their dreams. Because for so long I haven't /had/ any dreams of my own. I had one goal in my life, and I filled it, and now I'm... just... here.

Now I have another. To get out and see life and the world, and meet those people that are worth meeting. Rather vague, I know. But it's something.

Well I got that out I suppose. I felt like sharing the words, but had no one in particular to share them with. So they'll be out here floating in cyberspace for whoever wants to find them. But if I hear anymore remarks like 'God must hate you' or 'shit always happens to you' I'm going to smack a bitch. It's hard to be optimistic when everyone makes you feel as if your life is crap compaired to theirs. And maybe it is. But if shit hits the fan, /I/ know how to deal with it.

Also, alas, David Tennant is not single, and John Barrowman is gay. Damn you cruel universe for giving me such sexy men to oggle just out of my reach. That and it's kind of creepy having an attraction to 30+ year old men and suddenly realise that is /not/ a large age gap. Guh. Twenty-seven and still a teenager.

.... Well. Fuck. o_o;;;

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In August I helped thehorde see the light (8 points). Last Friday ashuraou and I robbed a bank (-50 points). In May I signed my organ donor card (28 points). In June I committed genocide... Sorry about that, supiluliumas (-5000 points). Last Thursday I ruled Asscrackistan as a cruel and heartless dictator (-700 points). Overall, I've been naughty (-5714 points). For Christmas I deserve a moldy sandwich! Sincerely, neeri

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

It appears, whether I'm good or bad, I end up ruling as a dictator. Sweet. And yes I do want a Wii.

Dear Santa... Dear Santa, This year I've been busy! In October I gave runegrey a wet willie, then I took it back (-5 points). In March I ruled Duluth, Minnesota as a kind and benevolent dictator (700 points). In February I put gum in redstuff's hair (-12 points). In July sillyfox and I robbed a bank (-50 points). Last Wednesday I had a shoot-out with rival gang lords on the 5 near LA (-76 points). Overall, I've been nice (557 points). For Christmas I deserve a Wii! Sincerely, Neeri

Write your letter to Santa! Enter your LJ username:

I haven't been around for awhile now as most have probably noticed, and a good many more haven't noticed simply for the fact that... Well, let's face it. A good majority of the folks I used to call friends aren't anymore. Their lives have carried them away on to better things, and hopefully better friends than myself. Meanwhile I couldn't claim much of a life as opposed to a mere existance. So getting away from the internet is a good thing.

I've been working at Best Buy for a month and a half now. It's a good job and most of the people there are nice. Our Geek Squad Double Agent is throwing a lan party this Saturday to create a WoW guild for folks. I'm not big into it, but they're a nice group of guys and it's a way to socialize outside of work so I'm going after I get off shift. Which will be rather late in the evening unfortunately.

That means I'll probably be missing church on Sunday since I'll be dead tired. Terry our choir director probably won't like that but at least I'll be able to attend choir practice tomorrow. I still need to learn all the psalms and hymns and all that good stuff. I've never really attended church in my life before in spite of wanting to, so I never learned anything other than 'Yae though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death' etc. I used that one a lot as a kid when dealing with things beyond my control.

Oh, yeah, and I'm singing alto for those who care to know such things.

I'm rambling a bit at this point. That's my life in general though; without direction or purpose. I need to figure out something to do so far as college soon. I'm intending to attend during Winter quarter. I shouldn't have stopped even if it was for work. Now at least I've had the good graces to be taken in by a very nice family so that I'm not the only one responsible for my entire existance. So I can go to school, and I will while I can.

I guess, all in all, things are going well. Having people around again, and not being alone all the time, has helped my depression a lot. I'm trying not to feel bitter towards those who were fond of calling themselves my friends, and promising to be there if I ever really needed who really weren't there at all. At least I've stopped trying to chase after people who weren't interested in being friends just because they were there.

Not doing so good on the 'not bitter' part I guess. I'm a work in progress.

Ever have one of those days where you just want to wish away everything that happened? A week like that?

Damn, man. I've had a few years like that.

I've hit highs, and lows, and come out crawling somewhere in between barely scraping by without going under. You know, though? After years of struggling not to go under I've found myself just... letting go.

It's when you hit rock bottom that you realise something. You're still alive.

When you have nothing you also realise you have no ties to hold you back. You can move freely. Sometimes, if you're lucky like I am, you'll find someone willing to give you a stable rock to climb up on to regain your footing. From there... It's just a matter of deciding which path you want to take upward again. It doesn't even have to be the same one.

Hell, don't let it be the same one.

Forget the past. It's erased.

So the question now becomes... Where do I want to go? Who do I want to be?

I want to be the girl I used to be. The one who ran the fastest, who swung the highest, who wasn't afraid to laugh and shout. I want to be the one that wasn't afraid to walk up to strangers and ask if they wanted to be my friend. That was me. Without all this crap heaped upon me, that was me down at the core.

That's my first step. Movement.

So. All moved into the new place (by 'new place' I mean the home of my friend's family who invited me to have a spare bedroom.) Anyhoo. We have been working on remodeling the bathroom. Repainting, installing a new sink, etc. While the bathroom is not my favorite, er, colors... it is starting to shape up at least.

http://wavemotioncybernetics.org/~neeri/wall2.jpg

It reminds me of a 50's icecreamshop.

Currently due to this effort taking longer than expected we've finally started to cut corners by touching up paint in odd and unique methods. The black lines for instance are being straightened and filled in with Sharpies. Got to love them Sharpies.

Other news: I still have no life. Haha. Ha. Okay, actually I'm waiting for work to start the 12th, and still looking for places to buy khakis for work that aren't capris. I swear it's impossible to find suitable women's attire for less than $50 these days. Of course that might be due to the fact that I'm rather hippy (in the hips) and not hugely wide in the waist. Which makes for odd fitting sizes when the 'fashionable' sorts are for skinny rail thin biznitches these days.

In the meantime to stave off boredom and OMGCANDYPINK shock, I have actually sat down and started writing some. While it's not quite the topic I had in mind for a book, I'm actually working on it regularily which is good. Oh, yes. It's um, a romance novel. Why, yes, yes I am bored, what makes you ask? Kekeke.

Or Jayene as your LJ name is. You want some of the fabric/yarn I've hoarded over the past year? I doubt I'll find use for it at this point. Maybe the yarn, but I've still got that nice brown micro-suede with the asian design on it that's going to waste. Give me a call if you're interested.

I should mention that, with as often as I have had to move in my life, packing is one of the most loathesome events a person can participate in. Or be in sole proprietorship of.

I admit I've slacked just a bit in doing so until now if only due to the utter instability of the situation I find myself in at the moment. However, given it's begining to get down to the wire, I've buckled down.

So far my life can be summed up in three different piles: Keepsakes, trash, and sellable items.

I've already sold off most of my book collection for gas money before the first of the month. Given I had to pay off some bills before shutting them off (cable which will be off Saturday, so if I'm not around... that's why), and I still have more that need to be paid off... I am needless to say ass-broke.

I remember when I used to live by the motto that one should be able to pack their belongings into three boxes. Of course that was before I lived in the same general place for seven years.

I sincerely hate to do this. I've fallen on rather difficult times lately, and as a result I'm being forced to move out of Columbus until I can get back on my feet. While this is not a terrible issue for just myself the fact that I own two cats who are not welcome where I'm going is.

I love my cats. I've had them since 1998. I bought them from a petshop in San Antonio, Texas. The grey tiger was the smallest and looked at the time to be a runt. The other kittens kept attacking it. But there was a slightly older, just past that cute kitten stage black and white that swatted them away and protected the bitty tiger. I knew the older cat had little chance of being adopted, but I felt guilty at the same time taking away the younger cat's protector. So I got them both.

http://users.wordpainter.net/position/skitter.jpg

The grey tiger is Skitter because as a kitten he was rather jumpy. He still is at times with loud noises, but has mellowed out. He's a very loving and affectionate cat, energetic, and enjoys playing with crinkled up balls of tinfoil and the plastic rings around milk bottle caps.

http://users.wordpainter.net/position/outer.jpg

The black and white long-hair is Outer. He's rather burly in size, quiet over-all, and has a habit of finding hiding places to disapear off to. He gets jealous if Skitter is getting petted and begs for attention, but is far more patient than Skitter and will sit waiting for you to give the OK for him to jump in your lap.

Both are indoor cats. They're both male, both neutered, and still posess claws. It hasn't proven to be much of an issue so long as a scratching post is around, which I have and will provide as well to any willing to take them in. I don't know how well they would do around other cats or dogs. I imagine they would be fine with children so long as they're not played with roughly.

If anyone is interested or would like to arrange a time to meet them, drop a line. I realise most of my friends in town already have cats but... maybe someone can help me find them a home at least. Thanks.

"Knock knock!"
"Nobody's home!"
"Then who are you?"
"Nobody."

That little excerpt is from an old book I recall about three witches. The two older sisters were very good witches while the third youngest sister could hardly even ride her broom. Then she lost her broom. So they left her home alone to watch over the house while they went off on Halloween to preform dastardly deeds telling her to pretend no one was home if any trick-or-treaters came knocking. One did, and that was the conversation that ensued.

Of course in the end the witch ends up going off with the friendly trick-or-treater to have some snacks at his house, and his very nice mother gave her a broom to replace her lost one, and she learned to have faith in herself, yadda yadda, became a good witch and her sisters never teased her anymore.

Lately I kind of feel like I'm not the little witch, but the trick-or-treater. And every door I go to, I find nobody home.

Okay. I've seen a lot of memes in my time. Quite a lot. Usually I don't touch them and with good reason. Today I have seen one thanks to someone on my friend's list that just makes me blush with how sort-of-naughty it is. I did not participate (for various gender-sexuality notions) however... wow. Just. Hm. Just look for yourselves I guess. Replying not manditory (doubt anyone would seriously anyway) but... Somehow I feel like spreading the love (WTFery?) of this meme and I have to wonder who the heck created THIS brilliant gem?

There's at least 1 person on your LiveJournal that wants to date you or sleep with you. So, let's play Friends With Benefits! (cue ominous music)

The rules are simple:

*If you want to date the person who posts this -- for this purpose, meaning "be in a relationship with them" -- post a comment saying "I'm yours" (Or, if you're Just That Dominant, "You're Mine")

*If you just want to sleep with the person and stay friends (for varying values of "sleep with", i.e. periodic kinky playdates without actual sex being involved), post a comment that says "I'd hit it."

Are you scared? You ONLY live ONCE! The kicker is that you MUST repost this and see if it's true for you.

...And just for the sake of privacy, just in case, replies are private. o_o Fft, I may be curious but I ain't stupid.

Signs, they're all around. Too much so perhaps.

Sign #1: You're informed 2 hours before the end of your shift that your schedule has been changed and you work the next day. There go your plans.

Sign #2: You come to work and recieve an email informing you of your schedule change which was apparently made 4 days ago but only told to you the prior night by your old supervisor.

Sign #3: You spend the first half hour of your day listening to your coworkers talk about sniffing the resin out of a pot pipe because they can't smoke at work. Said coworkers are not younger than your 26 years, but 40-50 years old.

*sigh*

Intelligent sounding MEME. About birthdays and stuff. Ahem.

Go to Wikipedia and look up your birth day (excluding the year). List three neat facts, two births and one death in your journal, including the year.

Facts:

1859 - Wallachia and Moldavia are united under Alexander John Cuza under the name Romania (see December 1, 1918 for the final unification, Transylvania and other regions were still missing at this time).

Being a bit of a Dracula fan I find this highly amusing.

1936 - Charlie Chaplin releases the last ever silent movie, Modern Times.

1958 - A hydrogen bomb known as the Tybee Bomb is lost by the US Air Force off the coast of Savannah, Georgia, never to be recovered.

Uuh boss? We made a big oopsie...

Births:

1906 - John Carradine, American actor (d. 1988)

At first I thought this was David Carradine and I thought 'Cool! The Kung-Fu guy!' But then I realised even he's not that old.

1940 - H.R. Giger, Swiss artist

Deaths:

1995 - Doug McClure, American actor (b. 1935)

Partial inspiration for Troy McClure from The Simpsons.

That's about it. Now back to cleaning the apartment. I feel like I'm playing the part of Sophie from Howl's Moving Castle where she sweeps through and makes the place livable again.